It took me some time to decide if I should write this post or not. Mainly
because it is more personal than my other posts, but after some thinking I remembered
that I started this blog to share my experiences and thoughts. This is not my entire
vegan journey story; this is more about my struggle of becoming fully vegan and
changing my mindset.
I heard about veganism a few months ago and soon after decided that I wanted
to go in that direction. I started with cutting out the basics first; meat. I became
a vegetarian with vegan goals. During this period of time I came to Belgium to
be an Au pair. I hadn’t told my host parents about me being vegan, because I didn’t
feel like one yet. I didn’t have all the information and ate right everyday. Luckily
the situation was soon handle as I told them and they accepted it with no
problems.
What I expected to happen - happened. I was in a new place with new food
to try out. I wanted the whole cultural experience. Even so, I only ate meat
two times and it was by accident. Where the problem came was with milk products,
cheese and cookies. Me eating these products didn’t have anything to do with me
craving them (except maybe the cookies). It was mostly because I had to prepare food
for the children and sometimes happened to end up eating with them.
Even though I knew it was wrong I continued, I consciously ate the wrong
products. It made me feel terrible, because the main reason I decided to go vegan was for the animals and “cheating”
made me feel like I was betraying them. It also made me feel like I wasn’t
worthy of the title "vegan". My dairy intake gradually became less and less and
then two things happened.
The first happened on Saturday when I was taking the train go to Antwerp
to attend a book expo. We were passing beautiful farms with cows. It was such a
wonderful sight, the black and white cows lying together on green grass,
keeping each other warm that a part of me opened. I didn’t want to be the cause
of the death and suffering of these beautiful animals. I don’t want anything to
do with it. I realised for the millionth time that my mindset had to change,
only this time the picture of the cows stayed in my mind.
The second thing happened the Sunday afternoon. I was sitting outside with a
friend, enjoying the weather when I received an Instagram notification. A high
school friend had tagged me in a photo. We had hung out together a few times,
but never had a solid relationship. She had the confidence of ten people, she
was outgoing and outspoken. So when I opened the notification and read what she
had said I was surprised. She had commented that I inspire more people than I think,
I scrolled up to the picture and was overwhelmed with emotion. The picture said
“who inspired you to go vegan?” I felt so taken aback. I had inspired someone
to go vegan.
Her comment made me feel worthy. Yes, I made mistakes and probably will
make some in the future, but I know where my heart is and I know why I’m doing
this. I am doing this for the animals, for myself and for the world. Her comment
also made me so excited and positive for my future as a vegan. I want to inspire more people to make this change,
not just for the animals and the world, but for themselves.
Felicia
xoxo
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